Before coming to Mali, I was pretty set in my way as far as the way I thought about Africa, development and wanting to be the perfect PC Volunteer. I thought that development really did work, it’s just that something has been missing for the past 30 years. And if it didn’t work, why were so many organizations and people throwing money into it. And Peace Corps, I mean, Peace Corps is the ultimate volunteer agency and was the perfect path for me. I knew it was a perfect fit and I had been telling myself that since Sophomore year of college.
Well, as the title suggests, my thoughts have changed a little. I thought that I had something to prove, that I needed to be the most hardcore volunteer that was in country. I thought I was competing with someone for that title. I wanted a hut, an outhouse, no electricity, no toilet paper and minimal food. Well, after about two or three months, I realized that it’s just not that easy to let go of my creature comforts. I still craved Oreos and wanted ice cream! I also thought that I was going to change the world – and if not the world, then definitely my little village. When the villagers just stare at you blankly when you start to profess your words of wisdom concerning better health and how to cultivate millet, you realize, “Okay, maybe I’ll just focus on changing the habits of my family, not the whole village!” Even though I didn’t have this kind of site, I wanted it! I thought that at least I could help a little like this.
Recently, as I’ve said, I changed sites and changed jobs. I have a nice house, indoor plumbing, a gas stove, ceiling fans and a neighbor who has a refrigerator. When I’m hot, I come to the Peace Corps bureau and sit in the AC room. I buy ice frequently to enjoy cold water. I ride my bike around and eat good food and can buy fresh fruits and veggies every if I want. I’m not living the way I “wanted” to live, but I’m having a great time here in Sevare.
As far as changing the world, I’m not going to do that and I finally realize that. Not to sound like I’ve given up, I’ve just become realistic. Development work hasn’t worked for 30 years because there’s only so much that Western organizations can do. It’s a 50/50 relationship and most people – in my case, Malians – aren’t keeping up their 50%. They’re set in their ways, and behavior change doesn’t seem likely. Malians will likely accept your suggestions on washing their hands or planting a garden, but once you leave, they give up and go back to their old ways. That’s not sustainable development – that’s immediate gratification that will end as soon as you leave.
With all of this said, I’ve developed some new thoughts and goals for myself. Before it was to suffer and become Malian and live the way they do. Now, I want to be here working and see what I can get done. But at the end of the day, if my project doesn’t succeed or I don’t change the entire city to see things and do things my way, I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m going to live in Mali for the rest of my service and I’m going to have fun. I’m going to put myself first. And if that means making homemade ice cream or enjoying Oreos sent from the States, then so be it.
There's a huge disconnect here between living and working. If you're living, then you don't necessarily have an effect on the people around you. You're doing your own thing and satisfying your needs. But if you're working, all that you have is devoted to work and to - in most cases - developing certain villages. It's hard to live and work here. I've pretty much decided that it can't be done. So, I'm focusing on living and working, but not forcing myself or Malians. If they want to succeed, they'll seek me out. I'm not pushing anymore.
Needless to say, I'm putting myself first and I'm going to have a great time. I no longer need to compete with anyone else, I just need to be happy. However I reach that goal of happiness - which is pretty hard this day and age - depends on the strides with which I take my life. Happiness and fun are my mantra now, of course with a little bit of work mixed in.
