Well, here it is – the lamest excuse for not updating. Ready? “I’ve been busy.” Unfortunately, it’s so true. That doesn’t mean that I don’t think of things to write and that my mind isn’t constantly scanning my surroundings in search of the newest story for my blog.
But right now, the biggest thing going on is that I’ve made it for one year! Bravo to me, I guess. As much of an accomplishment as it is, it’s nothing in the long run. That statement alone should clue you into my mood – indecisive at best. Before we even left the USA to come to Mali we were told that the two year service would be a continual rollercoaster, with life always fluctuating. This would include things like homesickness, loving Mali, hating Mali, loving rice and sauce everyday, wanting ice water and anything and everything else you could possibly think of. As much as we believed this rollercoaster theory I was like, “Whatever, I’m going to love every single day of being in Mali.” I lied to myself then, but I tell myself the truth now – this is no easy task and getting frustrated with life is part of it all. That said, the one year mark is one of the lowest. You’ve been here for a year, so your language should be awesome and you should have integrated enough to love Mali and Malians and to have either gotten over or accepted their idiosyncrasies. Well, I’ve been here a year and I manage with the four languages (English, French, Bambara and Peulh) that I fluctuate between each day so that’s not too bad. But my big problem is that Malian’s are really started to get under my skin and it’s almost making me bitter. I just can’t accept certain things – being lied to about the time a bus will leave or being told “If God Will’s It” as an answer to any question from, “Are we eating today?” to “Will we send our shipment to the States tomorrow?” – and I let each of these things get to me. It’s ridiculous, right? I should just laugh it off and move on. But the other annoying thing is that when someone gets under your skin and you react to it, they know and they keep going. They’ll laugh at you or push you until you explode. It’s been a stressful past few months and I’ve exploded more than I ever thought I would. I always considered myself to be so tolerable of other cultures and customs and as this first year winds down, things bother me way more than I ever wanted them to.
All of that said, stress is the number one thing causes these explosions and they in turn, up the stress levels. It seems that right now, things are in a vicious cycle that I need to find a way of breaking. Everyone tells me to just take a break and do whatever I can to reduce the stress. Well, I guess the ultimate solution would be to hole myself up in my house and stay away from Malian’s/people for a few days. Clearly, that does not seem like a healthy answer. So, we’re currently exploring new ways to de-stress. Should you have any thoughts and/or ideas, I would gladly accept them.
Despite the heightened stress levels, I have to say that after a year, it feels nice to say, “Wow, I’ve been here a year!” A really great way to measure personal success is the incoming of the new volunteers – which is currently happening. It’s nice to go around with them, and watch as they have no idea what is going on and you’re the expert. As much as it sucks for the new person, it’s such an awesome feeling. I’m hoping that by feeling like the expert that I can jumpstart myself out of this current funk that I’m in. Wish me luck!
